Before I can tell you who I am and why I am here today speaking, writing and influencing you to overcome your individual obstacles to achieve your dreams, I can tell you that I am not speaking to you because I have accumulated an array of degrees in psychology.
I would never really tell someone, “I know what you mean…..unless I know what you mean.”
I come to you as a realest, simply put. I have not only witnessed many of the common struggles that some face today, but I have overcome them as well. I would like to encourage you on doing the same.
I hope before I go too deep, that you DO understand, I am speaking always from my heart, and I gain no rewards by presenting to you false hopes and dreams. If I say it is so, it is because I am a result of it being so.
So who am I now?
Well to some, I appear to be a spoiled, upper-class brat. Usually those are the people who have never really held a conversation with me. To others, I am an intelligent black female with more to me than meets the eye.
I guess depending on the day and the nature of one’s perception, I am both.
It’s always funny though, to here someone describe me as “uppity” or “boogee” as I was once a rebellious kid, a drug dealer, and promiscuous.
Yes. That was me.
However, you grow up. By saying you grow up, I don’t mean that you grow in height weight or age, but rather in a balanced mixture of wisdom and mental control that can only be gained through a willingness and desire to change. But before you can change anything about yourself, you first have to acknowledge that “thing”, no matter how big or small it may be.
This type of thinking starts with observation and ends with a resolution.
I like to call it OAR. Observation. Acknowledgment. Resolution
Oar seems to be fitting when you think of this process much like a boat or canoe that is just sitting in a body of water. Without an oar, you are simply sitting stationary in a place where when you look around, there are many directions you could go: you could look backwards and decide to go back to that location in which you boarded the boat; or you could look straight ahead in the direction in which you would like to go. However, without an oar to help you control yourself in the process of trying to move, you go nowhere.
So now. Let’s talk about dreams and goals.
Dreams and goals are always good to have. The main thing is that you need to choose your goals and dreams based off your own individual capabilities, and not everyone else’s. Don’t choose to play basketball because it was your father’s dream. But also, don’t lower your standards about yourself because of what someone else feels you are or are not capable of.
Never say never. My mom always said “…just keep on waking up everyday, you’ll see.”
For a while I didn’t quite get it. But her point was that the longer you live, you will be exposed to more and more trials of the world. Don’t be shocked or displaced by them. But rather recognize problems and mishaps as just that, deal with them and move on.
I was just telling a good friend about how ever since my grandfather passed away when I was like 9, I no longer question things in my life. I never asked the Creator why. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Some things that happen in life just seem to be down right unfair. And maybe it is. But do trust and believe if a situation is brought to you, it was brought to you for a reason.
Why do I not question the bad things in my life?
I could sit here and talk or write all day of the experiences that I have had that some may look at me and instantly want to give me a pity party about. But my life just as others, was given to me for some purpose—whether it be to change the world or helping a friend pay a light bill. But life has purpose.
Before you can actually retrain your brain to make good out of every situation, you must develop a relationship with the Creator. I say Creator because it is not in my job description to advise anyone on whether or not they are of the “right” faith.
Without a sense of spiritual belonging, you will only get about as far as from here to nowhere. Who or what do you think it is that brings a person out of depression? Or that gives them a voice when they have no words or instinctively tells you to just be quiet instead of digging yourself into a hole? The Creator. That’s it. No doctor, no medicine, no status quos or degrees, just Him.
I lost my oldest brother and my youngest sister in the same year. I suffered from depression and a nervous break-down behind this. I mean it was so bad, I couldn’t even drive for a few years. I tried everything—medicines, therapy, smoking weed, drinking. Still nothing. I was lost. I had given up. What will the rest of my life be like? I cannot provide for my babies. I was so depressed.
And then it was Him. Had to be because I couldn’t tell you where I got the strength from. I knew it wasn’t me alone because I was mentally exhausted.
Then He took the wheel. Out of nowhere, I slowly started coming back around. I mean after going through such an unexplainable time in my life I got married, started a business, went to a technical school and got a certification, even went back to the university I started at many years prior to continue my studies. I joined the military, had a house built, and bought my dream car.
I was better afterwards than I was before I went through such a tragedy. I opened my own salon simultaneously while working at social services as a caseworker and re-enlisted in the military.
What was the difference?
Before I was always so caught up in myself and on the road 24/7 going fast to nowhere. No real knowledge of the important things in life such as peace, sanity, love, and forgiveness. I was so into the latest sneakers, music, status quo and what people perceived of me, I needed a rude awakening.