One of the hardest things to do is lose someone. And while losing someone in life can be a very difficult thing to bounce back from, losing someone to death is a unique event within itself.
In addition, contrary to popular belief, losing someone to a terminal illness can be just as traumatic as losing someone instantly.
Your response and ability to cope with these types of losses strongly depends on the present state of mind and body. If you do not consistently take care of your mind and body, tragedy affects you in the worse way. You can suffer nervous breakdowns, panic attacks and anxiety to say the least. You may also start viewing the world in a way that isolates yourself from the world, which also allows depression to set in.
Moreover, just so we are clear, there is no magical, mythical, or instant solution to dealing with any problem. Whether you are trying to lose weight or trying to cope with the loss of a loved one, you will first have to master the fact that patience and a normal process of grief has to take place in order for you to begin the healing process.
The same components come into play to produce a successful outcome, but each one of is treated differently.
Because I have had many life experiences associated directly with many of the above, I find it appropriate for me to share my experiences and findings with you.
You can do what you choose with it.
A Loved One
Losing a loved one is by far the most devastating loss of them all. People can tell you all day and all night that they are sorry for your loss or that they will be praying for you and your family, but what happens after those words?
What happens after the tragedy has happened; family and friends have come to sit with you in your time of need. You receive flowers, cards and food. It is all so very thoughtful, and people really do extend their heart out to you. Nevertheless, what happens after everyone leaves. The house is empty. All that is left are precious memories, obituaries, sweet nothings left behind and your unsorted thoughts about it all. You hang in a cloud. By cloud, I mean a zone or timeframe where things seem surreal. You go through phases of feeling hurt, numbness, regret, remorse, depression, and possibly even anxiety. The loss of a loved one can sometimes bring out feelings that you never even knew where there. It can almost at times take you to a place that feels as though a 6th sense is open and you began to view the world in a different light.
The reality is that it is very normal for all of these feelings to occur when dealing with the loss of a loved one. However, these events are not what define you or your outcome. How you choose to face and address these issues are the only determining factors.
You can grieve and your mind take you to a place of disconnect with the outside world. You may feel exhausted, fatigue and hopeless. You have to identify and face real-time feelings you may have as quickly as possible, as this is the first step to recovery…acknowledgement that a problem exists.
Next, you need to figure out ways to address the real-time feelings so that you can resume a normal happy life.
I can remember so many times losing loved ones and just feeling numb and hopeless. I felt as though it was a horrible dream that no matter what, I just could not awake from. That storm has passed.
I made a full recovery and you can too!
You just have to understand and incorporate these things:
1. A spiritual connection
2. A healthy diet
3. An active lifestyle
4. A support system
Of course, one might question what these things have to do with moving forward after losing someone. Your “bounce back” depends on your current mental and physical conditions.
A spiritual connection is the number one key component to recovery. Nothing in this world can be done successfully without a spiritual bond. Death or permanent disconnect from someone can change a person. People begin to doubt the love of God when they lose someone. People begin to question God.
No matter how bad you feel things get, never lose site of the only one who has the capability to bring you through.
Many ask the question, “Why, God?” We start doubting His loyalty towards us. Nevertheless, the more appropriate thoughts should be, “Why not me?”
I remember when I lost both a brother and a sister in the same year. My doctor was trying various medications to treat a host of illnesses, including panic attacks and anxiety. I mean I was exhausted going to visit her what seems like at least once a month.
One day she finally told me,” I can write you a prescription for anything you want, but nothing will heal you like prayer.” I could not believe these words came from a doctor!
I still live by these words to this day.
We all have to face death and the loss of someone special to us at some point in our lives. We have not been singled out. Death is a part of life. It is just very hard to deal with because death takes people away from us permanently in a physical sense. However, we have to kick our Faith into high gear and trust that God knows exactly what He allows to be done, and your loss remains within you.
You will have good days and bad days.
This is normal.
But I promise you that if you keep the faith, and dedicate your life towards finding Him, you will make it through and one day, help someone else make it through.
A healthy diet is also a key component because malnourishment during a time of loss can create certain chemical imbalances, which create even more problems on top of the grief that you are suffering. Water is a universal healer. Water can do so many wonderful things for the body, especially when the body is going through such emotional rollercoasters. Water keeps chemical balanced in your body, with a special emphasis on the brain. It also feeds every molecule, atom, organ and tissue, with all the goods necessary to help keep your mental, emotional, and physical ability at a performing level.
So in simple terms, eat right and drink plenty of water, no matter how good or bad you feel. It can only help you. Also, as a fun fact that you may not have been aware of, use blue dinner plates and tablecloths. Why? You ask. Studies prove that the color blue is an appetite suppressant.
Job Loss, Divorce, Foreclosure
For many Americans today, living paycheck to paycheck is the only way of survival. How many times have we robbed Peter to pay Paul? Everyday for some. But more importantly, we need our paychecks to live. Whether we are planning our next vacation, or trying to pay a mortgage for the month, the bottom line is we need that pay. Therefore, you can just imagine the discomfort, stress, and unlivable conditions a person faces whenever he or she loses their job. It can be a devastating blow.
I am reminded of a close friend I know who worked at his place of employment for almost 30 years. Just a few years prior to his retirement, he was laid off. The loss of his job created a domino effect and he soon found himself in a state of depression. He went for months not wanting to be in the company of his family nor friends. He felt less of a man because he could not provide for his family. He began sitting at home, just eating and sleeping after having to go to social services and apply for a welfare check. He isolated himself from everything and everyone. It was a sad thing to watch.
Many do not recover from this loss. But you do not have to be one of those people. There is hope. There is a bright side and it starts with faith.
I cannot apologize to you and say that I am sorry if I offend you with my spirituality and my religion. But I am a firm believer of my Creator, as I know that the only way you can overcome such hardships as death and unemployment, divorce and foreclosures, is by drowning yourself in His word.
Let me be the first to advise you that there are many earthly avenues you can try to solve your problems on your own, but there are none as stable, promising and fulfilling as God and His blessings.
When you find yourself in a place of darkness, such as losing your job, or losing a spouse and even your home, you can do one of two things. Either you can let that situation defeat you, or you CAN DEFEAT IT!
Once you have learned the real values in life, you can still celebrate and praise the Most High in the midst of your storm. You will learn that jobs, homes, cars and even partners of unequal yolk will come and go, but God's love is everlasting and outlast any and everything you will ever encounter in life.
You should view these situations in a way that allows you to smile when you walk away from that job, because now you are freed up to enter your real destiny.
My belief is that however your life goes is the way it is supposed to go. This means, if you lose your home to foreclosure, it is because God has something better in store for you. And just because I am saying better, does not mean it is something bigger. Big things come in small packages. God may be freeing you and your money up, because His purpose for you is for you to travel more. Maybe your ex walked out of your life because it just was not your time to be with someone. Maybe, just maybe, you are dreaming too small and He is positioning you for someone more honorable than your ex.
I have had my heart broken many times before. But life goes on. And life is beautiful. Even after losing someone, after having your paycheck snatched from you. Life still goes on.
The key to moving on is to occupy your mind with positive vibes. It can be the word, it can be music. It can be just surrounding yourself with nothing more than the four walls of your room. Peace is a unique and most praiseful thing. You should seek more intangible things in life as they bring you much more joy than things you can touch.
Talk, talk, talk. It is a great form of therapy. Do not be afraid to voice how you feel. You would be surprised to find out how many people close to you are going through even greater struggles than your own. Voicing how you feel and listening to others also helps you to make light of your situation, while having sympathy for others.
And do them frequently as our time is very limited and doing the opposite makes for shorter days.
I hope this helps you at least a little.
And if not, I will try harder the next time.