don't hate: you do not know me

​You over there rolling your eyes and turning up your nose because you are jealous of the car I drive, the curls in my hair, the way my jacket matches my boots and how my clothes are fitting. You scandalized my name because you have troubled kids and 4 baby daddy’s and you saw a picture of me and my kids interacting together in a way that shows unity and assumed that we have it all together.

You are now gossiping about me, unable to look me in the eye because someone told you I lived in a glorious place.
But did they mention me being homeless prior?

I am, because He is.  Let that sink in.

I have had many struggles to overcome in my life just to get to where you “think” you want to be.
I was born with severe heredity hearing loss.
I lost my best friend at the age of 9, which was my grandfather.
I was primarily raised without my biological father, being force to juggle my bipolar relationship with my abusive, yet disciplinary of a stepfather.
I rebelled against my mother and started doing devious things in school, even though I was a straight “A” student.  I was a tom boy who was misunderstood. I ran the streets.
I also waited until my 12th grade year to completely destroy what was supposed to be the grand finale.  So while other students were planning for prom and senior picnics, I was setting fire to the school’s bathrooms and lunchrooms.  Skipping class just to roam the halls with my homeboys.
My assistant principal along with the guidance counselor tried numerous things to pacify my outrageous behavior.  Then I got expelled.  And life stood still.
I sat in my room for ten days with nothing but my reflections on what I may have just done being careless.  Did I jus mess up my whole life with only 3 months of school left?
Wow.  With prayers coming from my mother and grandmother, it was decided that I deserved another chance. I went to another regular high school, didn’t miss one day, never late or absent. Graduated.  And I can’t tell you the joy over my heart to see my grandmother in the audience smiling from ear to ear, because she never did.
I went on to cosmetology school and started working.  Met the alleged man of my dreams.  I stuck a prayer in my bible stating that I wanted to get pregnant so bad.Got pregnant, which doctor’s told me I never would be able to do. Then lost my little man. He only lived for 4  hours.
  Found out weeks later that the man of my dreams had a baby with another woman just 10 days before i had and lost my son.  Found him two days later with yet another woman, while I was recovering. Mom told me not to go to his house looking for trouble. That’s what I found.  Hit him with my car after cutting him repeatedly across the chest.
Suffered greatly. But I wrote a prayer and stuck it in the bible I got from my grandfather. My prayer stated: Lord, I don’t just want to get pregnant, I want to have a healthy baby.
Got pregnant and got the news on my first son’s birthday.A healthy baby boy. Blessed twice to have another healthy baby just 13 months later.
Thus my reason for always stating be careful what you ask God for. He will give it to you. Will you be ready to receive it?
Then, another fall on my heart. Lost my oldest brother to complications of HIV at the beginning of one year.  Within the same year, lost my baby sister. She got hit by a truck.
That’s when life as I knew it ended.  I went through major depression for years. It had gotten so bad that I started having major panic attacks and anxiety attacks.  Couldn’t drive, eat, sleep, leave my house. For well over a year.
At the time, I had no idea I was going through a nervous breakdown.  It wasn’t until many years later, when speaking with my doctor that I was told that I had miraculously recovered from a nervous breakdown.
Even after all of that, I went on to serve briefly in the military.  I went back to school and got several different certificates and degrees.  I was able to not only recover , but be an inspiration and blessing to others going through.
And I said all of that to say….you do not know what those you are envious of have gone through. Don’t hate on things that you would never want to go through in the first place.  I didn’t ask for life to happen the way it did. But I don’t regret any of it and everyday I wake up now, I see the real reason I am still here….because LIFE….is for the living.
Don’t hate, congratulate.
Originally posted Oct. 28, 2015

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